Reflection and other stuff...

 As I drive, which is what I do two days a week for Enterprise, I often find my mind wandering about, from "what do I need to get done this weekend" to "where did the time go?"... which leads to (mostly) fond past memories.

One that specifically came to mind a couple days ago was the amusing way I met a guy I dated very briefly in high school.  My parents divorced in the summer of 1984, which was the summer between my freshman and sophomore years.  We ended up moving to Harlan, Iowa, which was about 50 miles from the farm where I grew up. We lived across the street from the city pool, so I spent a lot of time there that summer.  The house we rented went up for sale and within a couple months, we had to move and found another house right down the street.  Fall came and I started school, and one day I walked up to the pool just to get out of the house (teenager angst, I suppose!) and just sat on the bleachers, taking in the nice day and probably ruminating about teenage things.  (I was just a month or so short of 16...) There was a boy riding a bicycle around the gravel parking lot and after a while, a Mustang pulled in the parking lot and stopped.  The boy on the bike rode up to the car and I could hear him chatting with the guy in the car, though I couldn't hear the content of the conversation.

After a few minutes, the boy came over and got off his bike, came up the bleachers (I was sitting at the top) and said, "The guy in the car asked me to find out your name."  Cute, I thought... he must be shy.  I told the kid my name and he ran down, hopped back on his bike and rode over to the car.  A minute later, he rode back over and sat on his bike at the bottom of the bleachers and said, "He wanted me to ask what your real name is?"  I had no idea what he meant.  I just said, exasperated, "That IS my real name!"  And off he went to report back.

The Mustang pulled closer and the guy got out.  He was tall and cute with a mop of curly light brown hair, and he made his way up the bleachers and sat down next to me.  I don't remember exactly how he said it, but it was something like, "I'd really like to know your real name."  I just remember feeling really confused.

As it turned out, he had just broken up with a girl named "Denise".  They had been dating a long time, and everyone knew them as a couple, and he thought I was screwing with him when I told him my name.  I explained that I was new in town and I had no idea who this other "Denise" was (she was either one or two grades ahead of me...) and yes, it was my "real" name!

His name was Don and we started "dating", though I use that word very loosely since my mother never really allowed us to "go out".  He had graduated from HS that spring, so he was 3 years older than me and she kept a tight rein on our relationship.  He spent a lot of time at our house and we would ride around in his Mustang.  He was a great kisser - he told me he learned that from the "other Denise".  LOL!  

Well, it was a short-lived relationship.  I think as soon as the other Denise heard he was "dating", she set out to get him back.  And one day, probably 6 or 8 weeks into seeing him, he came by and I hopped in his car in the driveway.  He said she had left a mixed tape (remember those?) in his car with all these love songs and, well, he decided to give it another shot with her.  I was a little hurt, but I didn't show it and told him, "Sure, I understand."  And I gingerly got out of his car, waved "goodbye" and walked in the house, not looking sad, not looking back.  Of course, I spent a minute or so crying in my room, but in all honesty, I didn't have time to get really attached to him.  Of course, one always misses a cute boy, and we did have some fun.  He was into stock car races and even helped on a pit crew, and that was one place my mom would let us go, so I have some fond memories from that time.  

It feels like two lifetimes ago!  I have so many fun memories of that time.  We had grown up on a farm, living a very sheltered life, and I was discovering that life in town, having contact with more people, was far more interesting!  I had been in a very rural school where most of us were farm kids, and I only had a couple real friends.  Since I'd grown up with them, I had never really learned how to make friends and it was a little tough for me as I was somewhat shy.  But a girl named Tracey was kind enough to befriend me and kind of help me navigate the bigger school and introduced me to a few classmates.  Though we didn't really become buddies, Tracey was really instrumental in helping me adjust to the new environment and I was grateful.  She was more the studious academic type and I never really liked school.  So it really wasn't in the cards for us to be pals, but I found others that were more like me - just trying to get through to graduation and get on with life.

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I started the above on 8/22 then got sidetracked.  Probably bringing in plants.  I usually start with the lower-light plants in late August, mostly Haworthias.  I've got most of them in now and need to start on another group, BUT...

Yesterday was Saturday and I was at the Farmer's Market.  I'd gotten my plants unloaded and was going back to the car to park it out across the road and I was distracted and didn't see the curb and took a dive into the parking lot.  Went down on my right arm and got a little "road rash", my right knee and skinned it good.  And I twisted my left foot.  A few people came and helped me up - it was so embarrassing.  Not so much the fall - that happens.  But at my weight and with my joint pain, I can't get up on my own without something (like a chair) in front of me, and it was embarrassing to have people have to help me up.  I said, "It's ok, I'm ok!", dusted myself off and moved my car.  Walked back to our table and arranged my plants and then sat down.  Once I sat down, I started to feel the pain in my foot and I knew pretty quickly that I wasn't going to be able to put much weight on that foot.  Karin, the friend that lives there in Plattsmouth, had her husband bring me a set of crutches.  At the end, they helped me load up (which isn't much, thankfully...) and I managed to get home and in the house.  Oh, did it hurt all day.  And it wasn't much better this morning.  I suppose it's going to take a few days to get better.  But I also have some back pain, which doesn't surprise me, and a spot on my right hand (thumb joint) that's tender.  I guess I'm lucky it wasn't worse...

But being alone, I can't stay off the foot.  I have to eat.  I have to use the bathroom.  But honestly, if Mark was here, he'd be doing his think the basement and I'd pretty much be on my own anyway, so in reality, it's probably not much different than if would have been 5 years ago.  But maybe at least he could have gone and gotten dinner so I didn't have to spend time putting something together to eat.  Well, at least peanut butter toast is eay!

A lot has happened in the last few weeks.  I've got a BP cuff setup that transmits my BP daily to my doctor.  I've been using that a few days.  I decided I need to do whatever it takes to lose weight to fix all that ails me.  I've apparently reached the A1C that makes me diabetic instead of pre-diabetic.  My joints hurt.  If I get enough weight off, it could potentially reverse the diabetes and, obviously, my joints would not hurt as much.  And my BP would probably come down.  So I've been back on WeightWatchers again.  And I went to a Nurse Practitioner down in Plattsmouth who specializes in hormone therapy.  (Merry & Rick go to her.)  She says with my metabolic issues, I could diet until the cows come home and I won't lose any weight!  So she convinced me to go on Ozempic, which she said is actually easier on the kidneys than the Metformin I've taken for several years.  So I'm on the low starter dose for a month - it's a once a week injection, which is why I avoided it for so long.  But the "needle" (I'm calling it the "pricker" 'cuz it sounds less scary!) is so tiny, I didn't even feel it.  I take my second dose tomorrow, which will be my first time doing it by myself.  I hope I don't forget a step!

So I'm hopefully on the road to a healthier me.  Not that I've ever considered myself "unhealthy", but it has been a disconcerting few months and I really want to get back to feeling good again.

Oh, and tonight, I go to the sleep clinic overnight and they fit me for a c-pap.  It was determined that I have "moderate" sleep apnea - I learned this in my pursuit to find out why I've felt so tired and lethargic.  Doc first tested my thyroid, then had me do a home sleep study.  I was shocked when they said I have sleep apnea.  And I dread the idea of having to wear one of those contraptions, but I've talked to a lot of people who use them and I have yet to have someone say they hate it.  Most say they can't live without it.  One guy I work with actually bought a small generator so he can still use it if the electricity goes off!  A cactus club friend said her husband was shocked the very first night at how well he slept - had no idea he wasn't sleeping well until he got it.  And I've read a lot about it and apparently a lot of issues can be traced back to sleep apnea, like lethargy, brain fog, early dementia.  I even read one study that says your face changes as your body starts getting better sleep - less bags under the eyes, skin tightens, color returns, skin looks less aged.  Apparently, oxygen levels drop way down and having mor oxygenated blood keeps us younger longer.  I'm all for that!

Last weekend was the Des Moines club's show & sale... well, actually, now we call it a "display" and sale, because it's not a judged show.  Members bring a few of their best plants and we have a display table for the public to ogle.  Then we had 2 vendors - one we get every year from Oklahoma, Chaos Cactus, and a local greenhouse/nursery, Bedwell's.  Chaos has a nice variety of not-so-common stuff.  Bedwell's is more of the common stuff, but they specialize in artistic and interesting dish gardens.  They plant in all kinds of interesting things like old shoes, a football, fancy serving dishes, hollowed out drift wood... things you would never think of often times.  Oh, one good one was an empty can of peas with one of the plants the string of pearls, which look like peas!  Cute.  And then club members sold plants as well, and we have a member who like to make weird pottery.  Very expensive weird pottery!  

I rented a car to drive over, but it turned out to be a shitty car. First, it wasn't a nice SUV like I wanted - it was a compact SUV.  I could deal with that, but then the cruise control wasn't working right.  I set it on 74 and it would fall back to 68 and go up to 77 - it drove me nuts, so when I came back Saturday, I turned it in and drove my own car on Sunday.  

Well, since I'm moving so slow, I should probably get started on my prep to go to the sleep study.  I need to be there by 8:00 - that's going to be a long, boring night.  I doubt I sleep much - it's why I don't travel.  I just don't feel comfortable when I get out of my environment.  Oh well, tomorrow is a holiday and I'll take a couple naps!  

And speaking of the holiday, it was Labor Day FOUR YEARS AGO that Mark died.  I can't hardly believe it's been that long!  Of course, Labor Day in 2021 was on the 6th.  That's the weird thing about losing someone on a holiday like this one, that falls on a different date each year.  You actually have TWO days that "feel" like the "death-iversary".  It's something I had never thought of until it happened to me...