I am sooooo sad.  My brother, who I've always known is one of my soul-mates, was told today that there isn't a lot they can do for his cancer.  He had chemo last late summer through late fall/early winter, then started in a study earlier this year.  But he's been having all kinds of symptoms, issues, problems, and the docs are expressing little hope for any kind of resolution.  They have suggested weekly chemo might... what?  I'm not sure at this point.  Give him some time?  **SIGH**  I don't know...  This has to be the saddest day of my life.  I feel so helpless - what can I do? 

Of course, there's a chance he might read my blog.  He knows about it.  If he does, I want him to know he is my hero.  He has put up a fight for life that anyone would be proud of.  He's suffered through so much - he's had serious health issues since he was 17, and honestly, I don't think any of us thought he'd make it to 40.  He's almost 52 now, but it's still way to young to let go...  In spite of everything he's been through, he's the kind of person I aspire to be.  He's ambitious...  OMG, his house is always so neat and clean!!  How does he DO that?  I mean, I'm a perfectly healthy person (pretty much so, anyway) and I can't seem to keep on top of the clutter...  And he worked in health care - because of all the time he's spent as a patient, he makes a particularly good caregiver.  He has the utmost empathy...  And he's so darned smart.  Every once in awhile, I do something or figure something out and I say something like, "Hey, I think even Wes might have had trouble with that one!!"  A "tee-hee" follows...  Everyone knows what that means!

I just hope he knows how much I love him.  Love will always connect us.  But it's especially hard to know he's going through all this with all the miles between us.  Thank goodness he has Sally.  She's such a blessing.  But oh, she must be absolutely beside herself.  It takes me back to that first few days Mark was in the hospital last summer - honestly, I was convinced I was about to be a widow.  I felt like an emotional train wreck for about the first 48 hours... But Sally will get through this.  Her family is a great source of support, and we'll do whatever we can for her.

More later...