Meant to leave that last post open to continue the next day... Oh well.  I want to stress, though, that I would never send that letter to Linda.  I don't think she could handle hearing what it says, especially from someone who barely knows her.  But here's the thing - if she'll say things that sound that nasty and egotistical in front of almost strangers, what will she say to someone she knows well?  Yikes!  Some people just don't seem to get that if you want to have friends, you have to BE the kind of friend you would want to have.  

Ok, so now I want to comment on all these women who are coming forward to accuse public figures of sexual harassment, inappropriate touching, even assault.  One one woman (Donna Karan, a designer) has come forward publicly to express an opinion I share, and she was shut down.  Here's what she said:

"I think we have to look at ourselves. Obviously, the treatment of women all over the world is something that has always had to be identified. Certainly in the country of Haiti where I work, in Africa, in the developing world, it's been a hard time for women.  To see it here in our own country is very difficult, but I also think how do we display ourselves? How do we present ourselves as women?  What are we asking? Are we asking for it by presenting all the sensuality and all the sexuality?"

When I heard this, I said, "Yay, finally someone who stands up and insists women take some responsibility for sending mixed signals."  I don't advocate men groping at women, mind you, even when they are dressed in a "come hither" manner.  Of course, within a day or two, women in the media were all over this woman's ass for "not supporting women" or "victim blaming".  I was furious to hear her back-paddle on the subject.   After all, she was doing EXACTLY what the women who have put up with this bullshit had done.  She was afraid that her comments would impact her career and instead of standing by her reaction, she backed down and let the media bully her into recanting (just like a man wielding his power over his subordinate bullies her into accepting his behavior...)

So much of this "movement" irritates me, I just wanna scream.  I'll leave the "dress code" alone for a moment and get into some of the other aspects that bother me.  I'll go back a ways and say that I think that some of  what is now defined as "sexual harassment" used to what we called "compliments."  Is it really "sexual harassment" if a man now says, "You have nice legs," or "You look great in that dress"?  Yes, it is now.  Men are supposed to be robots who don't notice a woman's figure or if she's pretty.  I never took any such comments to mean a man wanted to get in my pants.  Decent men do not need a "guideline" to know when a line is crossed, and strong women can convey it without insisting that a man get "sensitivity training."   

Now, let's talk about actual signals that DO mean a man wants to get into a woman's pants.  Ass grabbing, staring at boobs without ever making eye-contact, direct suggestions - "hey, baby, wanna get it on?"  First of all, there aren't a lot of men who are this bold in the first place, especially in a work environment. But when they come along, here's the solution... a smack in the face, or a stern, "Hey, knock it off and don't do/say it again!"  Guess what - that'll shut down 99% of the men!  Problem solved.   You may still turn around and find them staring at you, but if you can't put on your big-girl panties and handle that, you need to learn how!  And if you find one of those 1% that might keep trying, report them to management!  If he's the top of the ladder, report him to the EEOC and either quit your job or be prepared for the aftermath.  There are other jobs!  If you feel that THIS job is worth putting up with it (for whatever god-forsaken reason), then shut up and put up with.  But don't come back years later, after YOU have reaped the benefits of putting up with it, and complain, bitch and moan.  YOU got what you wanted out of it, whether it was fame and fortune, or a good paycheck you might not have gotten elsewhere... whatever it was, you got what you wanted.

And the part that probably irritates me the most - while this woman who is putting up with either verbal harassment or inappropriate touching or behaviors to get what SHE wants, she is empowering him to feel that he can get away with it with other women.  This makes her complicit when he "works his magic" on other unsuspecting women.  If every woman, instead of acting like a victim and putting up with these behaviors nipped it in the bud, shut the guy down, men would have learned a long time ago that we do not tolerate being disrespected.  Oh, there will always be women who are willing to sleep their way to the top, and they are not the ones I'm talking about.  Those kind of women will initiate that process and if that's how they want to live their lives, I have nothing to say about that.  They would have no affect on the rest of us who want to do our job and be respected by our co-workers and management.

Lastly, I WILL talk about appropriate attire and its affect on male attitudes.  A woman who comes to work in skin-tight clothes, or low-cut tops, or mini skirts and spike heals, and then expects men to not notice are either clueless or an all out tease.  Imagine an office where a buff man came to work in a muscle shirt and tight jeans... would he be taken seriously?  Do you think there might be some flirtations going on?  Comments made?  Men who are serious about their career know how to dress.  And SMART women who are serious about their careers know how to dress at work, and save the sexy look for the club, a dinner date, etc.  

Just a final comment.  I think the thing about this that bothers me the most is that the so-called "women's movement" has been going on for 40 years or so now, and here we are in the 21st century and we look like the big wusses that we wanted to prove we are NOT.  I hope to hell that the media is WAY overplaying how prevalent this problem has been.  If not, I think the revelation that so many women have been putting up with this shit has set us back a generation!

I'm not saying that every woman who has been sexually harassed has dressed inappropriately and "asked for it."  That's NOT what I'm saying.  But I think a lot of women dress in a "come hither" manner, then when they get the attention that the "look" is supposed to evoke, they ACT (and I do mean "act" because women are NOT stupid) offended and put-off.  

Essentially all I'm saying is this - if you get unwanted attention from a man, be willing to put on your big-girl panties and deal with it the right way, damn the consequences.  I have a one-strike rule.  A guy makes a pass or touches me inappropriately or says something way out of line, I shut him down and make it clear this is something I do not tolerate.  If it happens again (and it never has, because most men are not that stupid...), it's time to report them, scream bloody murder to the world about it so that they don't think they can get away with it in the future.  If it costs you your job, move on.