Wes's "Death-aversery"

 I suppose I'd better document our experience with Kevin the psychic/medium while it's still fresh in my mind.  I did record the audio, but I have no idea how to share it or upload it to the computer...

A few of the highlights:  Mark came through first, loud and clear!  Kevin says Mark was standing on the porch when he arrived.  Mom was out there smoking, but he said until he got to the porch, he didn't see her as "a tall man" was standing in front of her and she startled him when she spoke!  Of course, Mark spent SO much of his time in that chair Mom now sits in, smoking (because other than the bathroom downstairs, there was no smoking in the house).  So that IS, naturally, where he would be.  He spoke at one point about a photo of Mark and described it to a "T".  He said in the photo, he's standing with his hand up on the wall, looking very sure of himself:

I took this photo the first day he went back to work after he got his prosthetic leg. 

He said Mark was hesitant to come through.  I have a feeling I've been a little too vocal about the mess he left behind.  I can't tell you how many times I literally shook my fist in the air and said something along the lines of "curse you for leaving me this awful mess!"  Maybe not in such nice words!  His message was he was afraid he'd done enough damage and didn't want to "hurt me" anymore.  Well, he may not have been the perfect husband, but he was still my one great love.  He could frustrate the hell out of me, but he had some fantastical (made-up word of the day!) redeeming qualities.  He was confident (always!), easy to talk to, pretty darn smart, and very loyal.  I know one can never REALLY know if a spouse or significant other is 100% faithful, but I think I was as sure of that as one could be.  Not that there weren't moments of wondering in the 35 years we were together, but in the end, I always felt that just wasn't in the realm of things he would do.  He was truly committed, despite the issues we did have... So when he said he didn't want to "hurt" me, I guess I wonder if he's worried I'm still mad about the mess.  Well, the mess is pretty much gone and dealt with and I'm over it.  If he meant because he wasn't as lovey-dovey as he could have been... well, I got over that years ago!  Yes, Mark could have been more affectionate, more expressive, a better "help-mate", but I have no regrets...  And I am SO grateful that he showed up at our "get together".  

He spent about 15 or 20 minutes trying to interpret Mark's messages - he kept saying he wasn't particularly good at communicating, and that really sums Mark up.  He always had trouble with deep, personal subjects.  He could talk about just about anything, but he didn't really want to get into "feelings"... the emotional stuff.  I know some of that is a "guy" thing, or at least a "guy" thing from older generations.  It's kind of sad when guys think it makes them seem like a "sissy" to express feelings.  But it is what it is!

He said he hangs out with me, watches over me. That he often lays with me in the bed, which is kind of cool!  He described something that he thinks will occur in the next two weeks or so - I won't go into it unless (UNTIL) it actually happens, but it was extremely specific.

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I started this blog back right after our experience with the psychic, but I didn't get it "published" so it has hung out in "drafts" all this time.  But I didn't want to delete it, so I'm going to publish it with tonight's postings.  And I will publish whether I'm done with my thoughts or not!  But just an FYI... that "something" he described has not happened yet, though I have a feeling that the perspective of time on the other side and here are two completely different things, so I have to assume it's still coming...

But tonight I wanted to talk about my Mom. She's experiencing so many issues.  And I don't even want to get into the details too much because they are so graphic and personal. Since she had her gallbladder out in 2019, she has had terrible intestinal issues that interfere with her ability to enjoy life... let's put it that way.  And it's gotten so bad in the last 6 weeks or so that she's getting weaker and weaker, and I suspect she is literally begging the universe to let her transition back into source.  I'm at a loss of what to do... However...

...on Friday, I had my wonderful hairdresser, Laurie, come by to cut her hair.  She was hoping she would feel well enough to go to our monthly Meetup group, Law of Attraction, on Saturday and wanted to look her best.  Laurie, who is like-minded in our belief of Law of Attraction, could see how down-and-out Mom was feeling and suggested that she see a chiropractor/accupuntcurist that she has been seeing for awhile. So I made an appointment today for BOTH of us to see him.  I so hope he can bring her some relief, strength, balance.  It feels like she is fading fast.

I love my Mom so much!!  I know she's ready to go.  I know, unless we have a drastic transformation, that she probably won't be here much longer.  I know that even if she transitions, she will still be HERE with me.  But I will miss her physical presence SO much!  She has been my closest soul-mate and I know we are eternally connected. But I hope she knows that I do not want her to stay in this world as it exists now for her for my sake.  I WANT to live out my life with her... but I know that is terribly selfish.  So I want her to feel completely OK with "going home" and knowing I will be FINE.  I'm ok...I feel the LOVE from the other side.  From Mark... from Wes... even from Dad, who was never that good at expressing it.  From friends, like Phyllis, Dorothy, and others.  From Mark's Mom, Thelma.  So I know my Mom will be right here with me.  

So here's my plea to the universe... Please don't allow my mother to suffer through this "stuff" she's going through... Please either heal her or bring her home... If it's not her time, please give her strength...  Give her the means to build up her muscles and ability to enjoy life.  Let her feel the love of her family and how much they miss her presence at events.  And please give me the wisdom to help her do what it's going to take to get better.

I just want what's best for my Mom.  I would do ANYthing to help make life better for her.  Anything but help her go... she has (half jokingly, but maybe not so much???) suggested a "pillow-pact" (look it up...) but I said no, you cant' ask that of me... I couldn't live with it.  Why do we even have to talk about these things?  Why can't doctors just give us an "out" pill?  Maybe by the time I'm ready to give up the fight, they will have that...  

Well, I'm off to bed.  I will try to post back after our appointment tomorrow...