I came THIS close to posting this on FB today:

"I get so tired of people pointing the finger and bitching about the economy or the price of gas or inflation or anything else that may not be going exactly as you wish it would.  Do you have enough to eat?  Have a roof over your head?  Do you have a job?  Do you live in relative peace?  What is there to bitch about?  That you might have to sacrifice some of the things that make your life extraordinary?  Maybe not go on vacation?  Maybe eat more hamburger and less steak, or eat at home more and not out so much?  Maybe buy a more fuel efficient car instead of that gas guzzler?  Maybe your kids go to a community college instead of an expensive university?  Half the world would KILL to have the “problems” that we have in this country!  The average price of gas in the US is still $1-$1.50 less than in Europe.  If the cost of gas gets high enough to force people into “going a little greener”, I say so be it!  I’m tired of people thinking that the almighty dollar is more important than this planet we live on.  We’re so spoiled in this country that we don’t think we should have to make any sacrifices for anything, ever.  It should always just be better, better, better.  And it CAN BE if you just LET IT BE.  STOP bitching about gas or the president or rent & housing prices and START being grateful for the great things in your life.  Why, with all that most of us have, do we focus on the few things that aren’t perfect?  Those things WILL get better, but I’m betting you (the bitchers) will find something else to bitch about as soon as those things improve!  Which is sad, because you’re missing out on the JOY of feeling gratitude for how good you really have it.  And now I’m done with my own little bitch-fest!  Back to my joyful life…"

 I took the time to write it in Word, copied and pasted it into FB, then reread it to make sure there were no typos... then I realized that Dan, who I work with, would probably think it was directed at him and be upset.  Thursday, we were talking about the cost of gas and I said "it is what it is and it will get better", he kind of came a little unglued, like he was holding back a rant about Biden and gas and inflation, and I felt like he was directing it at me somewhat.  I think he thinks I'm a flaming liberal (which I am not, just a moderate thinker...) and of course all of these problems are the fault of the liberals...  Tsk...  I just listened (and didn't really respond) until he settled down and things went back to the normal fun banter.  I think if I posted it, he would think that I've been stewing over that rant and this was my response.  But that's not it at all.  Once he was done, I let it go.  But there's a woman in my "friend" group who I was really directing it at - her and a few others who constantly harp on gas and Biden, food costs and Biden, everything is Biden's fault. There was a post before this one because she directed this one at me after I commented... Can't find the original one...

And I fired back just a link:  LINK  Her response to this was:
"There are a lot of reasons why fuel is so high, but there is no doubt that Sleezy Joe and this administration is much part of the cause. WE HAVE HYPERINFLATION AT 8% running away and the push to go green is killing this country."  And she's posted many obnoxious and nasty things since then - Biden hating stuff.  Anyway, she's the one I really want to direct it at, so I decided I should probably just shut my trap and not read her stuff anymore.  But since I spent so much time writing it and thought it came out pretty good, I'd put it here so I can come back and read it (and maybe post it in the future if I get super-sick of her shit!)

 Anyway, I really wanted to come here because it's been so long since I posted.  This winter has been weird.  I mean, weird on so many levels!  I'm alone for pretty much the first time in my life and not really minding it at all.  It's been a little harder than I thought it would be to have Mark gone.  Not because I'm alone, because that's all good.  But I thought was tine passed, it would get easier.  But as time passes, I find myself thinking more about the good times and missing the guy he was back then.  Time seems to fade the bad stuff away faster, bringing the good stuff to the forefront.  "Bad stuff" being his self-inflicted health issues.  Other than the issue of the division of household chores, we really didn't have any other issues.  That was biggy, mind you, since he wouldn't do a god-damn thing, but in the big scheme of things, being a lazy SOB isn't the worst.  It's just annoying!   But I'm getting on ok for the most part...

But the other thing is my plants.  I always have a "lag in interest" in the winter, probably because they aren't really doing anything except existing in winter.  But this winter has been different.  It's like I've really lost interest.  I've managed to force myself to maintain everything in the house, probably because I see them constantly and they are part of my decorations, my environment, and I don't want to lose the aesthetic value they present.  But the stuff in the GH has truly suffered.  I'm going to have some losses in there and I just hope it's stuff I can live without.  I've kind of analyzed it a bit and I think what's different is that my plants have been my escape mechanism for many many years.  When I was mad at Mark for being the asshole who won't help around the house - escape and play with my plants.  When his health issues would surface, I would escape to my plants when he didn't need my help.  When he would monopolize the TV with sports, I escaped.  Now I don't have anything to escape from.  

On the upside, I'm starting to see many Hoyas coming to life, putting on new growth and it's starting to inspire some interest.  I think I can get my juju back, though I may decide to reduce my collection so that it's not so overwhelming next winter.  Of course, I've said that kind of thing in the past and it rarely happens!  LOL!  I plan to go to the regional C&S conference in June, so I suspect I'll come home with some new plants from there!

Two milestones this month:  March 4th would have been our 33rd wedding anniversary, and it was the first of March 1986 that we started living together.  Or at least MOSTLY living together!  I got my apartment and he stayed with me a lot, eventually moving what little stuff he had in over the next few months.  And March 6th was 6 months since he passed.  Wow, time flies!  In that time, I've managed to get the basement completely overhauled - my intent was to make it different enough so that I wouldn't be super-sad every time I went down there.  It was where Mark spent the vast majority of the last 14 years.  It had become a sad, sad place with all the evidence of his health battles.  Now, it's like an oasis!  I absolutely love how it turned out!  I'm still working on the last room and OMG it is just a holy mess!  I'm going to have a garage sale this spring and get rid of essentially everything that was in there.  I will probably just GIVE a lot of it away, just to be rid of it.  How I wish I had the money he spent on tools, the same shit over and over because he was too lazy to a) keep them organized and b) to actually LOOK for a tool that he already had.  I imagine his heavenly ears are ringing as I go through those things and cuss him out!

But I have SO many projects that need to be done...  I need to paint the walls in the GH.  That's going to be quite a chore - with so much stuff packed in there, it's going to be a challenge!  I'm hoping to get more that usual outside this year to help with that endeavor.  And I hope to have the living room and dining room painted in the next couple months.  Dr. Drywall has been here and I'm waiting to hear from him about a couple "fixes" that need to come first.  Then I'll get a carpenter over to put chair rail in the dining room.  Then we'll be ready for paint.  

And Mom and I are starting to talk about her coming to live with me.  Just a little so far.  They're going to do the parking lot where she lives soon and she's going to come stay with me while they do that, so we'll talk about it more then...

Now I need to go water some plants.  I'll try to get back to this again this week with some plant updates.