Friday, 7/16:

I wanted to get this down while it's fresh in my head... Things have been rough.  Mark's been in the hospital since last Friday - he had his hernia fixed and he's so weak.  Not because of the surgery so much, although I'm sure that impacted it somewhat.  He was weak before that and has been for several weeks.  Anyway, they want him to go into rehab and get stronger and he's been resisting that, and the thought of him coming home the way he is is terrifying.  So I've been furious that he's uncooperative, scared about what the near future holds, and worried about all his health woes.  All bad emotions that can weigh heavily on MY health.  Add to all of that... Pearl has a bad eye ulcer that requires me to take her to the vet 3 times a day for eye meds because I can't do it all by myself.  Lots of pressure!!

Well, I have to backtrack a little.  I believe in signs.  I believe our passed-on loved ones send us messages through signs.  And Wes has managed, over the years, to find different ways to send me signs.  (I'm pretty sure it's Wes, or it could be my "collective" soul mates - I'm not 100% clear how it all works, I just know it DOES!)  The signs he's been sending me the last few months have been with triple numbers on license plates.  It started the day Mom and I went to see my oncologist about having a hysterectomy.  When we left the parking lot at his office, we passed a car with 666 on the license plate.  I said, "Look, 666!" and thought to myself, that might not be a good sign!!  And within a minute, we passed another car that had 777!  I felt like that was a "no, no, no, everything is FINE!!"  (Seven is my favorite number.) Then, on the way home, we passed a car that had 222.  That sealed it for me - seeing the triple numbers was a good sign!

 Ever since then, every time I feel a little overwhelmed or upset about something (and you know how it is - it seems like these thoughts take over when you're in the car and your mind is free of other thoughts...), I would see a plate with triple numbers. 

 Well, tonight, after a day that went like this:

8:00 vets office

9:00 hospital

2:00 vets office

2:45 hospital

5:30 home, fix dinner

7:00 vets office

...I'm on my way home from the vets office, Pearl crying and crying as she does ALL the way there and ALL the way home, knowing I still have to give her pain meds when I get home after she eats... I'm thinking about the triple numbers I've been seeing lately and actually said outloud, "How much longer is this going to go on?  Wes, I could really use a sign that it's all going to be ok..." and a car with 000 pulled into the lane next to me off another street.  I said, "Wow, now that was awesome!!  How can you be this good at this?"  And just then, the car in front of me pulled into the left turn lane and the car in front of him was 888! Now, try to tell me these were not signs!!!

More tomorrow... 

Thursday, July 29th...

Yeah, tomorrow, right!  THAT didn't work out!  But since that post, I had TWO other times that basically the same thing happened!  Seriously... right down to two triple number plates in a row!  And on top of that, coins from my Dad.  Long story, but back after he passed in 2004, and my brother was back helping clean up his affairs, and when he was staying with Mom, they kept encountering coins on the front stoop.  So coins are my Dad's form of communication.  Well, 3 pennies showed up on the little brick wall by the driveway.  I left them there to remind me that Dad is watching over me as well.

Anyway, here's where we are now.  Mark's been in a nursing/rehab facility since the 16th, so 11 days.  We were hoping he would get strong enough to come home, but it's not looking good for that to happen anytime soon.  And his Medicare will end in about 10 days, so we're applying for him to go on Medicaid.  That means his SS and pension will go to the facility until he comes home or... well, until he transitions.  The whole money thing seems insignificant compared to what he's going through right now.  I hate that this is so hard for him, but I'm trying to keep in mind that this is HIS journey, and if he CAN get better and come home, he has to decide it's worth the work.  And if he is ready to move on, that's his decision as well. All I can do is be supportive, love him, and pray for comfort, ease, peace.  That's all I want for him...

And while all of this is going on, I thank my lucky stars for friends and family.  Mom is so worried about me and I don't know how to assure her I'll be fine. I don't want HER worry about ME taking a toll on her health!  

So it's time for bed.  Thankfully, Pearl does not hate me - that's another story entirely!  She has an eye ulcer that came on the DAY BEFORE all of this started with Mark!  And we have two more weeks of eye drops...  Good night world!

 

  

Sunday, 7/4

I just made we what I'll call a chili pepper frittata and boy did it turn out good!  I've always wanted to attempt chili rellenos, but making the "batter" sounds like a real pain in the ass - especially just for myself.  Plus it's fried in oil, which makes them not-so-healthy.  Anyway, so this was inspired by the idea of chili rellenos.  So I started out by baking a large Anaheim chili in my little convection oven at 425 for about 20 minutes, until the skin started to darken.  I wrapped it in foil and let it steam for about 10 minutes, then the skin peeled right off.  I sauteed onion, diced tomatoes (grape tomatoes halved) and some pre-cooked sausage I had in the fridge (diced up as well).  Once all that was good and hot and the onions translucent, I pulled them out of the pan, put the chili flattened out in the hot pan, put all those ingredients back on top of the chili, then poured eggs (prepared as though I was going to scramble them - whipped with a bit of milk, salt, pepper) over the top of the whole thing.  So the chili was on the bottom, frying as the egg cooked above it.  Put the lid on the pan and let it cook a few minutes, added a nice portion of shredded Mexican style cheese over the top, cooked a couple more minutes then shut it off and let it sit for 5 minutes with the lid on.  It turned out AMAZING!  I wish I had taken a pic as it was pretty, too!  So much better than McDonald's would have been - I had hoped to inspire Mark to eat by going to get an egg mcmuffin meal for him, but he wasn't interested.  This was better for me, but I really would rather he have eaten...

Which brings me to where Mark's at.  **SIGH**  Not well.  He hasn't been upstairs at all since Friday when he came home from the doctor's office.  He occasionally says something like, "I think I'll come upstairs for awhile."  But when it comes down to it, I think he's feeling too wobbly to even try.  I'm having a stair lift put in on Wednesday, so maybe after that's in, he'll be more inclined to come up.  We'll see.  I would say something like, "I hope I didn't waste my money!", but to be honest, he's got me going up and down the stairs so many times a day, when my knees start to hurt, it will be a godsend for me as well!  I don't know how I can go back to work at this point - he can't even hook and unhook his... well, I'll call it his "pee-bag drainage tube."  At night (or let's say when he sleeps, because it's probably at least 16 hours a day!), he hooks up to a jug so he doesn't have to wake up and drain his bag every two hours, so that's the tube I'm talking about.  He keeps having intestinal issues, too, which is a problem.  He's radically constipated, then without any warning, it cuts loose and he has a mess.  I just have a feeling his body is failing across the board.  Last night, he said something like, "I need to start working out."  Huh???  I don't think there's a snowball's chance in hell that will ever happen.

Anyway, when he went to the doc (that was Thursday, not Friday...) they did the routine pre-surgery checkup because he's having surgery to fix the huernia this next Friday.  I fully expected the doc to call and say he's in no condition for surgery.  I talked to a nurse on Friday and she said the doc hadn't had a chance to review the results yet...  I'd really like to know what his labwork looks like...

 

Tues., 7/6

Sent out the 7 plants I sold last week.  I was telling Marco I netted about $462 after PP fees, but I got to thinking about other costs... the boxes cost me a little under a buck apiece.  Packing materials - everyone collects the little packing pillows for me, and sometimes I used grocery bags or newspaper, but I do also use the bio-degradable packing peanuts, which aren't cheap - I may use 50 or 75 cents worth of those on many packages. So I'm going to say between pots, soil, boxes, packing, printing out shipping labels, tape, etc... I can probably figure about $2 or maybe even $2.50/plant.  Still makes them a pretty profitable "product"!

 Today, I was perusing my plants out back on the shelves. These are Hoyas that either have a very short growing season, like macgillivrayii and onychoides, or those that are just being stubborn about growing at all, like deykeae and one I want to talk about, polystachya.  I put it outside last year because I don't think it grew hardly at all the year before.  It did put on some new growth last year, but not a lot.  I've been watching it pretty closely this year and today, I found all kinds of new growth!  Here are a few pics that point out all the fresh growth...

I count TEN!  Damn, that's a lot to get excited about!  But notice some of those gnarly joints.  I just learned (and yes, even after this long, there's stuff to learn I guess!) that those gnarly joints I see on a few Hoyas (that look like it keeps trying and trying and trying to produce new growth) are actually caused by a "broad mite".  So I got some spray that's supposed to kill them and as I find Hoyas with this issue, I'll give them a good spray down and see if it stops that problem.  It's something I've noticed a few times over the years... It must not be a problem that easily spreads because it's not something I see on a lot of plants.

Obscura has been blooming even though I've grown it this year in the north window in my bedroom.  Not loaded with flowers like in the GH, but several.  And lo and behold - I never really noticed it before, but it's VERY fragrant!  Had to move it to the kitchen for a couple nights as it was too powerful to sleep.

 I've been slowly getting the GH walls cleaned.  I've got the whole east side done now, and one south section.  I get up very early and do a section every few days.  I'm hoping when I'm done that the windows glide a little easier.  The south window is the WORST, and after getting the first half of it done, it opened back up easier.  It was HELL getting it closed so I could clean the track!  I hope when I get the other side done, it will glide easier in both directions.

Well, the rest of the week will be crazy.  Tomorrow, they come to put in the stair lift.  Thursday, I take Pearl down to Plattsmouth for her summer 'do, and while they've got her sedated, I'm going to have them take an xray of her bladder to see if they can see any of the crystals/stones developing.  While I'm down there, I'm going to go see Karin from the cactus club, one of my cohorts in Hoyas - see her critters (she has 5 dogs, two of them shepherds, cats and chickens...) and how her plants are doing.  Then to lunch with Mom and Merry.  Thursday night, I need to help Mark take a shower to get ready for his Friday surgery, then he needs to be at the hospital at 5:30 a.m.!  YIKES... I'm hoping they'll keep him for a few days, but I guess overnight is about the best I can be sure of.  I talked to a nurse today and told her how terribly wobbly he was last time he came home after his carotid artery cleanout - how he seemed somewhere between drunk and brain-damaged for 3 full days after, and she said to tell the docs and maybe they could keep him another day or two.  I'm hoping they'll keep him until Monday because on Sunday, the cactus club is going to Lincoln for a field trip and I'd like to go. But if he's home, I don't know if I'll feel like I can go...

Well, I have things to get done before they come tomorrow.  More as soon as life settles down a bit...

 

  

 My life just keeps getting more complicated... Mark keeps falling.  We got our first bill for the rescue squad coming to help him up when I couldn't... $436!  We've  called them 4 times so far.  I called Medicare today - they don't cover it unless he is transported to the hospital.  Hmmm... I guess this is the time it does NOT pay for him to be a "good" faller!  Mark has always been a bit clumsy and taken a lot of tumbles over the years.  He always laughs it off and says because he was so athletic in his youth, he "learned how to fall well" and he has never been hurt by any of his falls.  Oh, bumps, scrapes, bruises, but nothing serious.  A few days ago, he fell down the two steps going to the basement onto the TILE landing.  A scrape on one arm, a little bump to his head and cheek... The problem is that since his left arm doesn't work, he can't get UP from a fall by himself, so I have to help.  And when he had that fall, he was precariously teetering on the edge of the stairs, ready to tumble down the rest of them.  I managed to drag him away from the edge so he could get up enough to get down the rest, but not before he almost took another dive!!  Then tonight, he fell on the kitchen floor, along with a full glass of coke.  So I had to get him up then get a towel to sop up all the coke.  Tomorrow will be a "scrub the kitchen floor" day...

Thank God I have my plants to distract me!  And my kitties...  And friends like Marco - thank you Marco (he reads this!) for being my sounding board!  I don't want my mom to worry about my psyche, so I try not to burden her with too much of this, so having a friend to sound off to helps SOOO much!  And I hope I don't bother him too much with the details...

It's been a weird summer for work.  Working one or two days a week at most.  Which is fine, since I found out I can make so much money selling Hoyas!  But I do need the outside contact...  it gives me a sense of normalcy.  I guess that the problem is a microchip that goes in cars - one that, when the pandemic hit, was diverted to laptop manufacturers for the big demand from people who needed to work from home.  Now there's a shortage, and Enterprise is waiting to procure new inventory from manufacturers who are waiting to procure the chip for their cars.  What a crazy dilemma!  

Now I'm going to go to the stuff that makes me feel good!  My plants!  Let's see what's new...

Went to bed, so I'm up at the crack of dawn... 

Hoya sp. aff. vitellina seems to be a happy camper this year in spite of the fact that it desperately needs to be moved to a larger pot.  It's going to be one of those that is very difficult to repot because of its very stiff, heavy leaves.  I have a feeling some of the old ones won't survive the transplant, so I've put it off for some time.  I have to water it pretty often and I think sooner or later, my hand will be forced... Do I keep waiting?  It's a dilemma... But here's a good photo I took recently, and one of the flowers closeup since it's been blooming like crazy!

I just sold my second start off this plant this year (took several cuttings last year) - made $106 on the last one that I will be mailing out today.  So it's definitely a desirable plant!

I put H. pubicalyx 'Philippine Black' out in the tree this year.  I took several cuttings of it last fall because a section of it was looking dehydrated, dying back it seemed, and I was trying to salvage it.  The part that looked better only looked ok, not super-healthy, so I watched it closely and was ready to whack it up as well if necessary.  But that section of it seemed to slowly come back to a healthy state, maybe because the plant no longer had to "work" to try to maintain the part that was failing.  By spring, it looked pretty good and even started growing, so I thought a summer outside might give it a boost.  The cuttings I took mostly came back from the brink - one burst forth with new growth this year, and that one I reunited with the original pot, and I'm hoping it will fill in that spot where the dieback occurred.  So far, so good.  And the rest of the old plant has several new growth points.  It's looking good and seems to be loving all the rain we've had.  I just sold one of the cuttings off of it (for $46, which isn't bad for a pub), and here is one that has taken on some gorgeous coloring:

Look at that color!  Those are older leaves, no signs of new growth on this one yet but wow!  And this one...

 

...started out as the three worst-looking cuttings that I put in leca.  One of them dried up completely and I tossed it.  These other two LARGE cuttings looked just awful for the longest time. I kept thinking I should toss them too because they looked so depressing.  But I held onto hope and I'm sure glad I did!  The one on the left actually looks like two cuttings because it is a large, branched cutting, but both have fattened up into healthy plants and both have new growth!  This will probably turn into my propagation plant because it will eventually get too large to stay upright in that little glass jar.

 Also out in the tree is excavata, one I put out there last year.  It's got FOUR new growth points!!  You can see three of them here:

There's a long vine that grew last year that only formed one leaf, which I would normally whack off and propagate to sell, but it also formed it's first and only peduncle at the end of that vine.  So I felt obligated to keep that silly looking vine until it forms another peduncle elsewhere.  Well, there's also a new growing point on that vine!  It's doing pretty good for a cutting I got in a trade with Dee several years ago...

Also in the tree is the 'Pink Silver' from the spare bedroom, and it's looking awesome.  Of course, it was doing nicely anyway.  Dischidia acuminata fasciata is out there, too.  It hasn't done a lot of growing in a few years in spite of being a super-fast grower at one time.  It's getting all kinds of new growth, so maybe that's the kick in the pants that it needed!

I have both macgillivrayii and onychoides out on the shelf in the back yard and both are putting on all kinds of new growth.  Archboldiana remains in the GH in the south window and it's growing nicely as well, so I'm not sure I can give the credit to those two being outside.  I left meliflua in the GH this year - on the top shelf - and WOW it's growing like mad!!  And because it's up there out of the way, baby leaves grow out and don't drop...

And before I stop for this morning, I wanted to show off my new... drum roll, please... MANIPURENSIS!  This is one I've been hankering for, and Jennifer, the lady in TX who bought SO many of my Hoyas last year (and a few so far this year, too) - she found it and sent it to me!  How kind of her, right?!! I sent her some cuttings this spring because EVERYthing froze in her GH this last winter when TX had that weird frigid spell and lost electricity for days and days.  I was trying to help her get restarted, and I guess this was her way of reciprocating.  Plant folks are the best!  Anyway, I hope I can keep it alive and get it to grow!  I know it had to cost her a pretty penny!

 

Since they seem to love the outdoors so much, I have it sitting out on the deck against the reverse variegated kerrii, where it should be safely sheltered from too much sun...  And where I'll watch it carefully.  I can't wait for it to start to grow!

And with that, I need to get ready for the day.  I have a lot of angst - today is an appointment with Mark's doc for a "pre-surgery" checkup.  I don't really think he's up to surgery, but we'll see what his doc says.  It's not until next Friday (8 days), but unless he eats, he'll probably only be worse by then.  I talked to Medicare yesterday and they said I should get a power of attorney for him after they talked to him.  Even they could tell he's not all there... I may try to do that today as well...