Reflection and other stuff...

 As I drive, which is what I do two days a week for Enterprise, I often find my mind wandering about, from "what do I need to get done this weekend" to "where did the time go?"... which leads to (mostly) fond past memories.

One that specifically came to mind a couple days ago was the amusing way I met a guy I dated very briefly in high school.  My parents divorced in the summer of 1984, which was the summer between my freshman and sophomore years.  We ended up moving to Harlan, Iowa, which was about 50 miles from the farm where I grew up. We lived across the street from the city pool, so I spent a lot of time there that summer.  The house we rented went up for sale and within a couple months, we had to move and found another house right down the street.  Fall came and I started school, and one day I walked up to the pool just to get out of the house (teenager angst, I suppose!) and just sat on the bleachers, taking in the nice day and probably ruminating about teenage things.  (I was just a month or so short of 16...) There was a boy riding a bicycle around the gravel parking lot and after a while, a Mustang pulled in the parking lot and stopped.  The boy on the bike rode up to the car and I could hear him chatting with the guy in the car, though I couldn't hear the content of the conversation.

After a few minutes, the boy came over and got off his bike, came up the bleachers (I was sitting at the top) and said, "The guy in the car asked me to find out your name."  Cute, I thought... he must be shy.  I told the kid my name and he ran down, hopped back on his bike and rode over to the car.  A minute later, he rode back over and sat on his bike at the bottom of the bleachers and said, "He wanted me to ask what your real name is?"  I had no idea what he meant.  I just said, exasperated, "That IS my real name!"  And off he went to report back.

The Mustang pulled closer and the guy got out.  He was tall and cute with a mop of curly light brown hair, and he made his way up the bleachers and sat down next to me.  I don't remember exactly how he said it, but it was something like, "I'd really like to know your real name."  I just remember feeling really confused.

As it turned out, he had just broken up with a girl named "Denise".  They had been dating a long time, and everyone knew them as a couple, and he thought I was screwing with him when I told him my name.  I explained that I was new in town and I had no idea who this other "Denise" was (she was either one or two grades ahead of me...) and yes, it was my "real" name!

His name was Don and we started "dating", though I use that word very loosely since my mother never really allowed us to "go out".  He had graduated from HS that spring, so he was 3 years older than me and she kept a tight rein on our relationship.  He spent a lot of time at our house and we would ride around in his Mustang.  He was a great kisser - he told me he learned that from the "other Denise".  LOL!  

Well, it was a short-lived relationship.  I think as soon as the other Denise heard he was "dating", she set out to get him back.  And one day, probably 6 or 8 weeks into seeing him, he came by and I hopped in his car in the driveway.  He said she had left a mixed tape (remember those?) in his car with all these love songs and, well, he decided to give it another shot with her.  I was a little hurt, but I didn't show it and told him, "Sure, I understand."  And I gingerly got out of his car, waved "goodbye" and walked in the house, not looking sad, not looking back.  Of course, I spent a minute or so crying in my room, but in all honesty, I didn't have time to get really attached to him.  Of course, one always misses a cute boy, and we did have some fun.  He was into stock car races and even helped on a pit crew, and that was one place my mom would let us go, so I have some fond memories from that time.  

It feels like two lifetimes ago!  I have so many fun memories of that time.  We had grown up on a farm, living a very sheltered life, and I was discovering that life in town, having contact with more people, was far more interesting!  I had been in a very rural school where most of us were farm kids, and I only had a couple real friends.  Since I'd grown up with them, I had never really learned how to make friends and it was a little tough for me as I was somewhat shy.  But a girl named Tracey was kind enough to befriend me and kind of help me navigate the bigger school and introduced me to a few classmates.  Though we didn't really become buddies, Tracey was really instrumental in helping me adjust to the new environment and I was grateful.  She was more the studious academic type and I never really liked school.  So it really wasn't in the cards for us to be pals, but I found others that were more like me - just trying to get through to graduation and get on with life.

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I started the above on 8/22 then got sidetracked.  Probably bringing in plants.  I usually start with the lower-light plants in late August, mostly Haworthias.  I've got most of them in now and need to start on another group, BUT...

Yesterday was Saturday and I was at the Farmer's Market.  I'd gotten my plants unloaded and was going back to the car to park it out across the road and I was distracted and didn't see the curb and took a dive into the parking lot.  Went down on my right arm and got a little "road rash", my right knee and skinned it good.  And I twisted my left foot.  A few people came and helped me up - it was so embarrassing.  Not so much the fall - that happens.  But at my weight and with my joint pain, I can't get up on my own without something (like a chair) in front of me, and it was embarrassing to have people have to help me up.  I said, "It's ok, I'm ok!", dusted myself off and moved my car.  Walked back to our table and arranged my plants and then sat down.  Once I sat down, I started to feel the pain in my foot and I knew pretty quickly that I wasn't going to be able to put much weight on that foot.  Karin, the friend that lives there in Plattsmouth, had her husband bring me a set of crutches.  At the end, they helped me load up (which isn't much, thankfully...) and I managed to get home and in the house.  Oh, did it hurt all day.  And it wasn't much better this morning.  I suppose it's going to take a few days to get better.  But I also have some back pain, which doesn't surprise me, and a spot on my right hand (thumb joint) that's tender.  I guess I'm lucky it wasn't worse...

But being alone, I can't stay off the foot.  I have to eat.  I have to use the bathroom.  But honestly, if Mark was here, he'd be doing his think the basement and I'd pretty much be on my own anyway, so in reality, it's probably not much different than if would have been 5 years ago.  But maybe at least he could have gone and gotten dinner so I didn't have to spend time putting something together to eat.  Well, at least peanut butter toast is eay!

A lot has happened in the last few weeks.  I've got a BP cuff setup that transmits my BP daily to my doctor.  I've been using that a few days.  I decided I need to do whatever it takes to lose weight to fix all that ails me.  I've apparently reached the A1C that makes me diabetic instead of pre-diabetic.  My joints hurt.  If I get enough weight off, it could potentially reverse the diabetes and, obviously, my joints would not hurt as much.  And my BP would probably come down.  So I've been back on WeightWatchers again.  And I went to a Nurse Practitioner down in Plattsmouth who specializes in hormone therapy.  (Merry & Rick go to her.)  She says with my metabolic issues, I could diet until the cows come home and I won't lose any weight!  So she convinced me to go on Ozempic, which she said is actually easier on the kidneys than the Metformin I've taken for several years.  So I'm on the low starter dose for a month - it's a once a week injection, which is why I avoided it for so long.  But the "needle" (I'm calling it the "pricker" 'cuz it sounds less scary!) is so tiny, I didn't even feel it.  I take my second dose tomorrow, which will be my first time doing it by myself.  I hope I don't forget a step!

So I'm hopefully on the road to a healthier me.  Not that I've ever considered myself "unhealthy", but it has been a disconcerting few months and I really want to get back to feeling good again.

Oh, and tonight, I go to the sleep clinic overnight and they fit me for a c-pap.  It was determined that I have "moderate" sleep apnea - I learned this in my pursuit to find out why I've felt so tired and lethargic.  Doc first tested my thyroid, then had me do a home sleep study.  I was shocked when they said I have sleep apnea.  And I dread the idea of having to wear one of those contraptions, but I've talked to a lot of people who use them and I have yet to have someone say they hate it.  Most say they can't live without it.  One guy I work with actually bought a small generator so he can still use it if the electricity goes off!  A cactus club friend said her husband was shocked the very first night at how well he slept - had no idea he wasn't sleeping well until he got it.  And I've read a lot about it and apparently a lot of issues can be traced back to sleep apnea, like lethargy, brain fog, early dementia.  I even read one study that says your face changes as your body starts getting better sleep - less bags under the eyes, skin tightens, color returns, skin looks less aged.  Apparently, oxygen levels drop way down and having mor oxygenated blood keeps us younger longer.  I'm all for that!

Last weekend was the Des Moines club's show & sale... well, actually, now we call it a "display" and sale, because it's not a judged show.  Members bring a few of their best plants and we have a display table for the public to ogle.  Then we had 2 vendors - one we get every year from Oklahoma, Chaos Cactus, and a local greenhouse/nursery, Bedwell's.  Chaos has a nice variety of not-so-common stuff.  Bedwell's is more of the common stuff, but they specialize in artistic and interesting dish gardens.  They plant in all kinds of interesting things like old shoes, a football, fancy serving dishes, hollowed out drift wood... things you would never think of often times.  Oh, one good one was an empty can of peas with one of the plants the string of pearls, which look like peas!  Cute.  And then club members sold plants as well, and we have a member who like to make weird pottery.  Very expensive weird pottery!  

I rented a car to drive over, but it turned out to be a shitty car. First, it wasn't a nice SUV like I wanted - it was a compact SUV.  I could deal with that, but then the cruise control wasn't working right.  I set it on 74 and it would fall back to 68 and go up to 77 - it drove me nuts, so when I came back Saturday, I turned it in and drove my own car on Sunday.  

Well, since I'm moving so slow, I should probably get started on my prep to go to the sleep study.  I need to be there by 8:00 - that's going to be a long, boring night.  I doubt I sleep much - it's why I don't travel.  I just don't feel comfortable when I get out of my environment.  Oh well, tomorrow is a holiday and I'll take a couple naps!  

And speaking of the holiday, it was Labor Day FOUR YEARS AGO that Mark died.  I can't hardly believe it's been that long!  Of course, Labor Day in 2021 was on the 6th.  That's the weird thing about losing someone on a holiday like this one, that falls on a different date each year.  You actually have TWO days that "feel" like the "death-iversary".  It's something I had never thought of until it happened to me...

Life is better...

 I did end up talking to Matt, my money guy, and he assured me things were ok in the money department, so I looked at the last two months of statements and overall, it was a little up.  A couple of bad months made me afraid to look.  And since then, it's been up a little more.  I'm feeling some relief, but I'm not giving any credit to Trump.  In fact, I would say it's up in spite of Trump and all the crazy shit he's doing.  

So money is ok.  And, PRAISE THE LORD, my neighbors moved last week!  You can't imagine how much relief that alone brings me!  They perpetuated a lot of angst in me.  I've been home (not working) the last 3 weeks because of excessive sleepiness.  When I was driving one day, I couldn't hardly keep my eyes open and actually opened my eyes one with the realization I had dozed of for a second.  That scared me!  So... time to figure out what's going on.  I went to the doc and she tested my thyroid.  That's ok.  And next Monday, I do a sleep study.  I don't think that's going to tell them anything - I sleep just fine.  I'm thinking maybe it's a virus, or maybe I had another bout of covid and didn't know it (I didn't the first two times), but maybe I was left with the extreme tiredness that so many people experience for a while, even months and months, afterward.  I think it's a little better, but I'm still finding it awfully easy to doze off if I'm just sitting.

A crazy few days... I've had the opportunity to use my generator THREE times in the last 36 hours or so!  Night before last, there was a windy rain that blew through and just as I was coming upstairs at 10:30, a transformer exploded about 50 feet from my house and off went the lights.  Of course, the generator kicked in after about 10 seconds.  It came back on about 5 hours later.  Then last night at about 8:30, I was downstairs watching TV, no wind, nothing and the lights blinked off.  On came the generator, and a little more than 2 hours later, just before I went back up to go to bed, it came back on.  Then last night, I woke up to rain hitting the west windows in my bedroom and a few minutes later, ka-blewy, transformer blew again!  It was off a couple hours again.  So a total of 9 hours in about 36 hours.  I'm feeling more and more like this was a good investment!

My Hoya kanyakumariana is blooming!  Last year was the very first time and I think it was just the one umbel I got.  Well, this year, I see all kinds of teeny-tiny peduncles!  The flowers are like a tiny version of carnosa flowers.  The whole umbel is about the size of a quarter:

Marco, my bud in Florida, nicknamed this one the "corn flake" Hoya for its wavy edges.  It's a perfectly descriptive name and a lot easier to say than its botanical name!  

This one is Hoya sp. aff. vitellina.  This is such an old plant and so rootbound, I really do need to just reboot it.  I'm going to take some cuttings and do that before fall.  I'm just waiting for some stuff to finish rooting in my two tubs.  Anyway, the flowers are really such an amazing butterscotch color, but unfortunately, they don't look nice and compact like many Hoya flowers:

And a most interesting phenomenon that happens now and then, more often with a few species like kerrii, is buds maturing as new young buds form behind  the soon-to-open buds:

This is Hoya parviflora.  This delicate little Hoya has long slender leaves that are slightly succulent and make a perfect hanging plant.  It did ok for me, but never really grew much and certainly never bloomed for some years.  A lovely lady from my cactus club passed away - she and her husband, Claude, were very active in the club and Claude was kind enough to give me some nice seashells they had collected over the years when he heard I enjoy growing small plants in shells.  I put parviflora in the shell I liked the best and (yes, literally) asked Carol Ann to watch over this little gem.  And boy, did it take off and thrive!  It started growing and looked absolutely perky!  Call it coincidence if you want, but I truly believe Carol Ann is bringing me this bit of joy through this plant!  Anyway, for the very first time in the 13 years I've had this, it was budding up!...

And the flower itself did not disappoint - it's every bit as special as the plant itself:

Tiny furry discs with a blush corolla and mauve edged corona.  And as near as I can tell, there are 32 individual flowers in the super-tiny umbel!  

Here is Hoya juannguoiana, a big-leaved Hoya that is quite a site to behold. The leaves start out rubbery and mature into super-succulent.  The markings are subtle, the consistency gives it real eye-appeal...

It has been pretty good about blooming:

They're very pretty flowers that remind me of the very stingy macrophylla - a skosh darker, but that same gradient look.  But once they reflex back, they aren't nearly as pretty:

I rebooted my old (VERY old!) H. pubicalyx 'Pink Silver' this spring.  Oh, how I hated throwing away that huge old plant, but it was looking tired and stressed, so it was time.  I took a bunch of cuttings and rooted them in some perlite (fast rooting, strong/healthy roots!) and plopped them in a good-sized EA pot.  And at last, they are starting to grow!  I found at least seven new growth points with tiny leaves starting!...

But uh-oh, aphids!  I have fought those little motherf*ckers all winter long, in my kitchen on a nice Dischidia ovata I have growing in the window.  Teeny-tiny ones.  I've been hitting every plant I find them on with a dose of tree and shrub that I usually use for mealybugs.  I hope it poisons it for these little assholes too!  They are a nuisance!  They go for the new growth and supposedly you can just hit them with a spray of water.  But I did this before I took the photo and there are still some of those little f*ckers still hanging on!  So I hit it with a spray of alcohol and added some of the T&S to the soil.  

Well, the sky is getting a little dark so I better batten the hatches before the next storm rolls in.  I didn't think we were supposed to get anything until tonight after dark, maybe even into the middle of the night.  But this time of year, when the atmosphere is unstable, a storm can pop up anytime.  So enough for today!

T-Rump

This was started in early June and left as a draft... I'll go ahead and "publish" and move on!

My BP has been high.  High to the point that my doc doubled my main BP med in early April, and then again last week.  I was taking a very low dose of Lisinopril, 5 mg., now I'm at 20.  Why?  I'm guessing the state of our government is a lot of it, but it's probably also the trouble I'm having with the neighbors, though that's been a bit better since I put in the stakes.  But with how Trump is ruining our country, I'm just terribly concerned about where we're headed.  These outrageous tariffs are going to stress the budgets of working class to the point of ruin.  Of course, Trump doesn't care - his mountain of money won't be much less because of it.  And when I hear him blathering along about... well, ANYthing!!... he sounds like he's totally lost it.  Doesn't his incoherence concern anyone else?  Doesn't anyone else feel like the man is losing it?  And he seems bent on taking away all of our basic liberties.  This whole thing with Harvard, NPR, this "big beautiful bill", and so many other things.  Is everyone so scared of this man that they can't stand up to him?

So I'm lying in bed early this morning, I mean EARLY, like 5 am... I've been scared to look at how badly all of this has affected my investment money and thinking I should go talk to Matt, my money guy.  I want to ask him, point blank, "Soooo, what do you think of that fucking prick Trump now?  Still think he's the guy for the job?"  He's another one of the smart and seemingly decent folks who has bowed at the Trump altar.  I know there are people out there who can not, under any circumstance, admit they are/were wrong.  And you have those who would never, ever vote for a Democrat, even if Satan was the Republican candidate.  But come on - can't these people see how he's tearing apart our country, trampling all over our constitution?  

Anyway, this line of thought led me to how this is affecting my friends who were living by the skin of their teeth before this all started.  One friend has relied on Medicaid - she has been having some health issues and thank God she's had it!  And that's probably going away, or at the very least being gutted to the point she's probably going to be royally screwed.  Another friend can barely afford her rent, and when one little thing goes wrong that costs her money, she desperately calls me to help out with her rent.  She owes me close to $1000 right now and I doubt I'll ever see it as I see things only getting worse.  But if I say "no", she'll probably be on the street.  She has 3 adult children, none of which are exactly financially stable... and no one else.  She's from Germany and what family is left is back there, and she hasn't even been in contact with them for years.  She's eligible to go on SS, but they tell her she's not an American citizen.  She came here in late 70's (her dad, who was never married to her German mother, was a serviceman at Offutt AFB) and she relinquished her citizenship to Germany.  It's unclear what it will take to get her on SS, but I'm sure it will require a lawyer for which she has no money, and I don't really care to foot that bill.  I can only hope that when her health starts to wane that one of her kids will take her in...

So I worry about friends whose lives could be devastated if this inflation continues, if services continue to be cut.  If one of them became homeless, I'd feel kind of obligated to take them in, but I SO don't want that!  I'm finally living a quiet, stress-free, peaceful existence and I have no desire to bring someone into my life who will cause drama.  And you know that being friends with someone does NOT mean you would be compatible when it comes to living together.  Boy oh boy do I know that!  I always said it would be a lot easier to love Mark if we'd had separate residences!  He turned me from a sweet, loveable and always kind person into a nagging shrew.  If we could have had a duplex, his side & mine, where he came over for dinner, maybe to hang out for some TV or some "jollies" then went home, before he could make a mess at MY place, I wouldn't have had so much resentment and pent up fury.  

Mark was one of those "old school" guys who thought housework and cooking is "women's work."  But he also wanted the financial benefit of having a "working wife."  I would ask him to help with this or that around the house, and his response would be "yeah, yeah...later!"  And "later" would never come.  I can probably count on two hands how many times he, for example, washed some dishes, or cleaned a toilet, or (heaven forbid) vacuumed a floor.  Yet he was really good at leaving his clothes on the floor (with a hamper a few feet away).  He liked to have a Mt. Dew after work.  Would he put the can in the trash?  No.  If I didn't do it, at the end of every week, there would be a dozen Dew cans by his chair.  Ashtray... he would only empty it if it was too full to use.  Bluntly, he was a pig!  I got so I didn't nag much - I just shut up and did what I could, which meant the house was messy most of my working life.  Because, god-damn it, I WAS TIRED TOO!  And those few times that he actually DID something were only because periodically, the "steam" would have to release and I would blow my top and become that crazy shrew that threatened him, "Get the fuck out!" or "I'm leaving!" or something that would make him realize that I'd gotten to the end of my rope and he'd better do something to appease me. The man was the laziest SOB and oh boy, he was all mine.  (Can you hear me gritting my teeth as I say that?)

So thank you dear husband - you managed to "fix" it so that I will never, ever consider letting another man in my life!  I will never take the chance of ending up with another lazy SOB that's looking for a "mommy" to take care of him!  And I guess my point was that I really don't want another roommate, period.

Since I went on a rant (who knew I could still have so much resentment after nearly 4 years!), I will now count my blessings.  My house is now relatively tidy most of the time and I SO appreciate it!  Life is pretty easy-breezy right now.  I have everything I want for the most part.  I continue to improve and upgrade the house, and that makes me feel good.  I try to have a plan for "the next thing" to have something to look forward to.  And work is still good - I enjoy my co-workers and the drives that get us out of the city.  And my friends bring joy to my life.  And that's my rampage of appreciation for today...

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That was a week ago.  We are now firmly into June - where does the time go? I've noticed many of the fields are not planted, yet usually are by now.  What's that about?  I have a theory, but I'll wait a bit to share it in case they fill in...

I'm waiting to leave for work.  I'm working the airport today and they've been hounding us to "go in at your regular time!"  Back when I started, we worked the airport 9:00 to 6:00, so that's how I've continued to do it.  But some of them go in uber-early, like 6 am, when they're just opening, and leave early.  I'm a 10 o'clocker, so since the call to "go in at your regular time", I've gotten there between 9:30 and 10:00 as I would at 9W (our main hub).  But Todd, our often chase driver, still comes in early with the excuse that "you have to be there early to get a gate card" and he leaves early.  He will likely get "a talking-to" eventually, maybe. He's such an otherwise great employee, they might be wise just to let it go.

I'll be leaving in a couple moments, but when I get back to it, I'd like to talk about Anne from our cactus club... Anne is probably one of our elderliest members - a Jewish lady that was a child who survived the holocaust.  She is a kleptomaniac. This has become abundantly clear when we have meetings at member's homes and she "helps herself" to plants and cuttings of plants.  She has ruined show-quality plants for Kathy by taking a "snippet" out of the middle.  One time, at another member's house, she attempted to take a nice Desert Rose by popping it out of the pot and into her bag!  A member who saw her do it asked her if she had permission to take that and when she said "no", she made her put it back.  We sent her a letter from the board telling her this was NOT acceptable behavior and that she was not allowed to bring her bag to member's homes anymore.  We were surprised when she showed up at the next meeting... we kind of assumed that she would be ashamed and not return, at least for awhile.  Well, this last weekend, we had the meeting at Kathy's house and she came in without anybody noticing that she brought her bag.  And off she went, stuffing it with "goodies" again.  Ken, Kathy's husband confronted her and said, "You're not supposed to be doing that!"  To which she replied, "I know."  We ended up sending her a letter telling her she's suspended from the club for the rest of the year.  We'll see how things go next year...

 That last one must have been from a month ago... I was having trouble getting any of the fence companies to come by or even call me back.  One made an appointment and then didn't show.  A second one made an appointment for 10 days later.  Well, in the meantime, I decided to have my lawn guys put in some of those cheap fence poles along the driveway and... voila, it stopped it!  Of course, they're still parking on the lawn, but they're going in over the curb.  YAY.  Between the posts and the labor, it cost me $120 to do this, but it's ugly.  The fence guy showed up and I decided since this is working, I'd put in a fence instead of a gate - 16' will cost me (sit down...) $1600!  $100/ft.  Is that crazy??  Sounds like it to me.  I could have saved some (about $300) if I went with chain link, but that's not pretty, so I went with this:

It's not actually iron - he says it's aluminum.  Imagine how much iron would be! Yikes!  Anyway, it'll stop this nonsense and look nice.  But it will take a couple months to get it installed.

But on a (hopefully) positive note, I emailed the property manager a couple days ago and asked him to please send someone over to mow the grass over there.  This is what I said...

"Can you please send someone to mow the lawn at 4204 Pacific?  (I think we both know they are not going to do it...)  It's now 1.5-2 feet tall in the back, and probably on the 42nd St. side (which I can't see...)  Of course, where he parks looks ok from my house - nothing to really mow there - but I imagine the other side with the tree needs it, too.

A neighbor was complaining to me about it and talking about calling the city.  I told her I'd see if you can't take care of it, because I know if that happens, it's the owner, not the renter, that gets that bill...  no consequence to the jerks that won't do what they're supposed to do!  (I'm so sorry you're stuck with these people as well...)"

His reply was "This may be the last nail required to close the lid on their lease."  Oh boy oh boy!  I sure hope he follows through because I am sick of these jerks. The view of their back yard from my GH is pitiful.  I'm not implying I have a perfect yard - it can get a little cluttered after a windy day of blowing things around.  But at least I keep it mowed and trimmed.  

On to other things.  Johnny Sortino's, a pizza joint that has been in Omaha for (I guess) 60 years, is closing this next week.  It makes me feel sad because it's the very first place Mark took me for dinner and was always one of our old staples.  And I've been trying to get over there for a last pizza and they haven't been answering the phone.  So today I drove over there with the intention of going in and waiting for a pizza to go and there was a line out the door and into the parking lot with nary a parking space.  It was 3:00!!  Well, I can't stand around that long with my hips/back/knees, so I turned around and came home.  I'm so bummed.  Their closing the 24th, so I'm hoping I can get over there on a weekday before that happens. They're closed tomorrow and Monday, so it'll have to happen Tues., Wed., or Thurs.  

I'm working on the cactus club newsletter early... Kathy, the prez, thinks I should get it out early to get RSVPs for the picnic... our June meeting is at her house and we do a potluck with the club buying chicken, so she needs to know how many plan to show.  She still has illusions that our club has more members than it really has.  I hear her talking to people about how we usually have "15-20 members show up to meetings."  NOT.  Our whole membership is about 19 - some of those are "family" memberships, but the spouses only show up to the Christmas party, so if we have 10 at meetings, we're doing good.

Anyway, my point of talking about the newsletter was to say that I have to come up with at least one article every month and it gets harder and harder to do that.  In the 18 years I've done this, I've written about every kind of plant I grow myself, so that last few years has been taking info from the internet about plants I'm not as familiar with.  I think it's about time someone else did this for awhile, but there's a snowball's chance in Hell of anyone else offering to do it.  It was about 5 years ago that Des Moines lost their editor and asked if we could do a "dual" newsletter "for a while" until they could get a member to take it over.  Well, that hasn't happened.  They're very grateful and complimentary, but it IS more work because I have to get info from 2 presidents, and I feel like it needs more content.  **SIGH**  I like that it gives me a creative outlet, but I don't want to get so I dread it every month.

My plants - there were losses due to my lack of enthusiasm over the winter.  But I'm trying not to have regrets.  I had too many over-sized plants that were making me feel a little smothered.  I'm going to take cuttings from my largest Crown of Thorns and sell the big ones before winter.  I don't want to be overflowing the GH.  I want to be selective about what I keep this fall.

I've got everything I plan to put outside out now.  Well, except the one Epiphyllum that bloomed recently.  Now that it's done, I'll put it out.  When I pulled it to go outside, out popped a big ol' bud that was facing the window on a bottom shelf.  I didn't want the drastic change of going outside to make it drop, so I left it to open, and here's what it looked like:

It's one I got from Dave Shorney, a member of the club who passed a few years ago.  It's Epiphyllum 'Raspberry Ribbon'.  So beautiful!  But now it can go outside.  

I've planted most of my pots with stuff this year.  I'm feeling a little more ambitious about the outdoor flowers this year, but whether that will last or not is questionable!  I actually spent about 10 minutes weeding in my Lily of the Valley patch this afternoon!  I wish I'd gotten a photo when they were blooming - I just love those tiny sweet flowers.  That patch of Lily of the Valley was here when we bought the house in 1987 and it's very thick this year.  I've planted other things in there over the years, so there's a couple nice Hostas.  But Columbine came and went and I see little signs of it but it doesn't do much.  Then right in fron't of the GH, I planted this...

I had to look it up - it's called variegated Ground Elder, and it says it's an invasive species.  It has filled in beautifully and is starting to get up into the Lily of the Valley, so I suppose I'll start digging it up when it spills over in there and I can always sell it at the Farmer's Market.  I just love it, though.  It's so lush.  I'm very fond of anything variegated.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

And that was 9 days ago, and today is Memorial Day.  Update... the neighbor's managed to get my other neighbor's nephew to mow their lawn.  He was over mowing for Marcy and Terrance apparently approached him and offered to pay him to mow his yard, which was 2' tall in the back by then.  His mom came over and helped him.  They didn't do a great job, but it's at least whacked down.  We'll see if it was a one-time thing or if they come back to keep it decent.  I have no idea where that leaves Rick (the property manager) and his position on eviction.  I'm feeling less hopeful about that...

As for Sortino's, Sat. was their last day and I never did get over there to get a "last hurrah", a pizza at the very least.  Fri., I called 79 times and it was busy every single time but one, and that one time it rang about 30 times then on came a recording..."this business is not accepting calls, please try again later."  And when I drove by at about noon to hopefully order and pick up later, the line was clear around the building!  That business is a gold mine - after this crazy last month, they could probably sell it for a fortune!

Everything I put in pots is doing well.  I planted some Marigold seed in the grow bag in the corner out front and also put my biggest VooDoo Lily out there.  Well, the tip got damaged and I wasn't sure if it would grow, but it either continued to grow and you can't tell it was damaged, or it spit out a new tip.  So the slow process of that umbrella of foliage has started.  Maybe next year it will bloom for me.  But there are several baby Marigolds growing now, about 2.5 or 3" tall.  They will bring in that orange Mom loves so much...

Some photos...

I have two pots in front of my raised bed that sits under my picture window.  Right now, that raised bed is a mess.  All but one of my pygmy Barberry bushes have died.  And the one that's left looks like shit!  So right now, it's mostly a weed bed - I will have my lawn guys pull the weeds when they come by this week.  I have a new front window on order, and once it's installed, I will have that are landscaped with some new bushes, have it filled in with additional dirt and rock.  But back to this pot, the Sedum (which is species kamtschaticum) is one I put in another pot up in the raised bed.  Probably 5 years ago, I found this flat of mixed Sedums for $20 - it was a beautiful mix and I loved that look!  So I came home and put it in a big shallow pot I got from Kathy, one of my plant buds.  She says she gets these pots from her son who has a ranch out in west Nebraska.  (I think she said he gets something in them from the feed store...)  Anyway, eventually, this Sedum choked out the rest of them.  And then about 2 years ago, I moved some of it into this pot in front and it's been spreading ever since.  So I just put a Coleus in there with it.  I try to buy at least one Coleus every year.

This pot...

...sits next to the other one.  I know - I should remove the clover, but I love clover and will leave it until after it blooms.  I just looked it up to see what species are native to Nebraska and this one is Oxalis stricta.  It gets yellow blooms which are just lovely!  At one time, I tried to get more oxalis in my back yard and actually bought and scattered seed.  Either the grass chocked them out or they didn't have good germination.  Anyway, I put two nice flowering annuals in there that are both budding up.  I believe the dark one is a Dahlia.  The other might be African Daisy.  I didn't save the tags, so I'm going by Google's ID feature.

I won't show a photo of a pot out in my landscape by the GH - I put two different Begonias (tuberous types), one with red flowers and one with yellow.  Those big, rose-type flowers.  I'm going to wait until they're more settled in and have grown to post a photo.

Out back, I have a big pot on the patio that has chives that come back every year - about half the pot.  I planted some basil seeds in the other half of the pot.  Have they come up?  I thought they had but I looked closely - the leaves definitely didn't look right so I broke a couple off and they had no smell at all.  They were weeds so I pulled them.  There are some other tiny seedlings in the pot, but who knows if they're basil or just more weeds.  I suppose I'll just buy a plant and put it in there and if the seeds germinate, they'll just fill it in...

In the other pot I planted the second small Voodoo Lily (a different species) but there is no signs of it coming up yet.  It's been cold and wet, so maybe it's just not ready to grow until there's more heat.  I also planted these tiny (TINY) Sempervivums - the whole mother rosette is about the size of a dime at maturity.  It gets these tiny ball offsets all the way around and they come loose from the mother.  When the pot is full of the tiny rosettes, and the baby plants detach from the mother, the little "balls" roll down the pile of mature plants, looking for a place to root into the soil.  Karin (the friend who grows them) says they spread pretty fast and they are winter hardy.  I've also got some of my Drimiopsis bulbs in there, hoping they will get some size to them so I can sell a lot of them by summer's end.

Down by the fence, I have 5 grow bags I've tried growing veggies in.  This year, I'm just putting in pretty stuff.  I got some horsetail reed in one.  Another the Cardinal vine.  One has a native plant whose name escapes me, and it's doing kind of so-so.  And the other two need something in them.  I may try to find something perennial to put in those two.

I planted several things around the generator.  My only criteria was that it wouldn't get too tall, so I got a couple different species of Ajuga.  The rest were just eye-appealing plants.  I have somethiing called "Jacob's Ladder" that I got from Kathy a few years ago that I planted right next to the deck - they sure do fill in slow!  And there's an old Hosta there, too.  One of the plants I added is a SUPPOSEDLY winter hardy, a cool pure white Senecio.  

So, I feel like I've accomplished a lot this year and I'm hoping to keep everything watered so they get settled in and then come back next year looking fabulous!  It's all about patience when it comes to cultivating a nice landscape and I've never been as good at the "outside" gardening as I am on the stuff in the house!

Continuing driveway saga and more...

 The irritation continues and gets worse.  A couple weeks ago, the neighbor's only vehicle got stolen right off the street in front of Marcy's house.  At 7:30 that morning, I hear a raucous BANG-BANG-BANG on my front door.  I was still sleeping, or more or less dozing in my chair in my easy-going wake-up process... and came popping out of the chair, looking out the door and there was Terrance.  I cracked the storm door, in my jammies mind you, and said "what's up"?  He said, "Sorry for getting you up (at least he could tell!) but our vehicle is missing and I'm wondering if you saw anything overnight?"  I glanced over where it's usually parked (facing the wrong direction) and said, "No, I saw it there when I went to bed."  I wish I'd thought to say, "Did you check to see if it got towed for facing the wrong way?"

Anyway, he was wondering if I had cameras that might have caught the perpetrators, and I said I do have cameras but they face my door. A day or so later, they were out front and I asked if they'd heard anything about their vehicle and they said they found someone a few doors down that had a camera that caught someone pulling up in a light colored sedan and a few minutes later, both vehicles driving off.  Of course, no clarity on the license plate.  

Within several days, they show up with another vehicle I suppose they bought to replace the suburban - a chevy equinox, I believe.  It's kind of loud, like the muffler is going out, so I hear it every time they start the car.  And they went back to parking on the lawn and coming through my driveway.  Last Sunday, he knocked on my door and I came out.  "What's up?" He says, "I just want you to know I'm going to be parking in the yard again.  I'm afraid to leave it on the street since it was stolen out there."  I told him it didn't seem likely it would happen again since I've been here for 38 years and never heard of ANY of my neighbors ever having a vehicle stolen... unless of course he thought it may be someone he knew messing with him.  He told me they moved here from Spencer, Iowa and really don't know anyone...

I said, "Well, you DO know it's illegal to park on the yard, don't you?"  He shrugged and said, "The cops told me they really can't do anything about it."  I said, "Well, whatever, just don't use my driveway."  He said, "How am I supposed to get there?"  I said, "Over the curb, of course."  "I'm not gonna do that."  I said, "Dude, it's MY driveway, stay off it!  You don't have the right to damage MY driveway!"  Of course, he launched into that spiel about just driving over it for one second and how can that do damage.  I said, "OMG, didn't you read my email?"  He acknowledged he'd read it - I explained all of that in there - what a dunce!  "I said, "Oh, are you offering to help pay for the damage when it's time to fix it again?"  His moronic response was, "Are you going to help pay for the damage to my car from going over the curb?"  I said, "It's MY FUCKING DRIVEWAY and you do NOT have the right to use it!"  To which he shrugged his shoulders and said, "Well, I'm gonna."  And he walked away.

I'm surprised I didn't just explode and make a terrible mess all over my porch!  My BP was probably off the charts.  What a entitled fucking prick.  I came in and called the cops to see what I can do.  They suggested I call the mayor's hotline and report the parking on the yard, which will start a process of stopping the behavior.  I did that the next morning - they said first, they send them a notice to stop.  Then they ticket them.  After that, they tow them and will continue to do that until it stops.  And you can believe me that I will be calling every single time I see them on the lawn when it gets to that point!

And as if all of that isn't bad enough, it seems they have had more people move in with them.  Now there's some guy who comes and goes who has a pit bull that gets tied up in the back yard.  He drives a big old suburban like vehicle.  And there's a mini van, both of which are packed in the "driveway of death".  And now there's someone who drives a Jeep renegade staying there as well.  I have no idea how many people are living over there now, but I would say more than 4 adults and I have no idea how many kids...

Tomorrow, I'm going to call a fence company and see what it would take to have a gate put across my driveway.  Yes, it will be a HUGE pain in MY ass to have to open, exit, park, close and lock it and leave, and do the same thing in reverse when I come home.  But it will be so worth it to win this battle!  Today is Easter Sunday and he has come and gone at least a dozen times - I'm sure he's really fucking up that lawn royally as it's been raining all day.  I haven't been hearing back from the property manager and I'm pretty frustrated with him not helping.  With a little luck, maybe he's trying to evict them...

***************

And now it's Monday and I woke to the news that the Pope passed away overnight.  This is quite a shock after he was well enough to offer a blessing on Easter Sunday and make an appearance in the Pope-mobile.  Then he dies overnight, as if he was holding out for Easter.  I think this is evidence that we do have a hand in when we transition.  I think Mark's mom did the same thing - she was in the hospital, and it really didn't seem like it was that dire.  She had ALS and had fallen, but I honestly think she saw that fall as the beginning of the end and took it as an opportunity to "get out" before it got worse.  It was Dec. 19th, and we had the holiday party at our business that night and we went - I felt I should be there as one of the owners, and Mark said he would go as well since his mom had Bernie there with her.  We saw her the next day (which was Mark's birthday), but she had fallen unconscious... I don't remember what their explanation was, but I remember wondering if she would be going home...  We went back the next day and things were the same.  We spent some time there and stepped out for some lunch, but when we got back, she had passed.  I think she had held out to get past Mark's birthday (imagine having that memory every birthday for the rest of your life...) and waited until we weren't there.  

Anyway, I find it fascinating that he made it through what he perceived as the most significant religious day, then let go to join Jesus within hours.  WOW.  I am so happy for him to have made the transition, but terribly sad for the world losing such a good man.  He made the world a better place, defying the religious right who condemn people for being WHO they are.  It seemed like we were moving in the direction of tolerance, and then Trump and his cronies have pushed and pushed to exclude everyone who isn't what THEY perceive as "normal". I imagine the Pope had a lot of frustration at the backsliding of our country.  We can only hope they choose another progressive Pope!

I guess I didn't get back to this one or get it published last time, so I'll do it now so that I can start a new one...

I decided to sit down and bang out a few thoughts before I start my day - I have a doctor appointment in a couple hours.  But as soon as I sat down, up comes Cleo, who is my 'pooter partner.  She is my most docile kitty that stays in the background, lets the other two "have their way" when it comes to hangin' with me.  Until it comes to the computer.  If I sit down here, she jumps right up usually turns into one of those legless muffs and watches my screen.  But today she flopped on her side and wanted attention.  The only problem is that she's a real hellion with her brother and doesn't seem to know how to relate on a loving level and ends up getting a little bitey with me.  She and her brother have been the play hard types from the beginning, and I think because she's a little smaller, she took on a "first strike" attitude with him to keep him from thinking he's king.  But he's still an ornery turd much of the time, sneaking up on either Cleo or poor old Pearl, who never fights back.  Such different personalities!

I finally have some new growth on a Hoya that has me enthusiastic.  Well, maybe that's a bit strong... I noticed it, so that's SOMEthing!  I'm hoping with an explosion of spring growth, my enthusiasm will come back.  Anyway, it's on the one we used to call 'Dee's Big One' and now call skinneriana...

This is a species that I always thought was very likely a large form of carnosa, but that's just my own observation.  It's growing in the sunroom so it's a little safer from my lack of interest.  I've managed to keep the stuff in the house watered well enough to get by.

They were talking about marriage on a talk show recently, which took me back to a time when we had the business and I was "doing finals" with a bride.  That means it was the day I would sit down with a bride and get every minute detail of what she wanted and expected, from picking out menu, times, decorations, numbers, etc.  We always did this about 2 weeks before the wedding date and most of the time, it included the mother of the bride.  The groom was there maybe 50% of the time.  But on this day, it was the father of the bride that was there instead of the mother - it wasn't very often that it was just the father, though they would sometimes come along with the mother.  If Mom was there, she would always give the dad a ribbing and say, "and this must be the father, the guy with the checkbook!"

Anyway, so this dad was the kind of guy that had a lot of questions, which I always liked because that would mean there would be no surprises.  And he was obviously a bit of a philosophical type too because at some point, he asked me, "So, do you believe in marriage?"  Yikes, that was direct!!  Simple answers are always the best - "Of course!  I wouldn't be doing this if I didn't!"

The long answer is more complicated.  Being in the business, and having been married twice myself, and I consider myself to be a master of observation, my answer is still "yes" but with a lot of caveats.  You don't have a choice but to believe in something that exists, of course, but if you throw in something like "Do you believe happy marriage is possible?", well that is a completely different question.  You can't use the statistics for this purpose.  Overall (1st, 2nd, 3rd marriages), 50% end in divorce.  But are the 50% who make it "happy"?  I've read a statistic that says that 74% of married people say they are happily married.  I think the key word here is SAY.  I'd be willing to bet it's way, WAY less than that.  I think if they posed the question differently, they would get a more realistic response.  Instead of "are you happily married", the question should be something like "on a scale of 1 to 100, how happy are you with your marriage?" Then give some qualifiers, like...

90-100 Blissfully happy pretty much all the time

80-90   Happy most of the time, we enjoy each other's company

70-80   We hardly ever fight and we have a lot in common

60-70   We have an issue or two, but we're good most of the time

50-60   We're mostly compatible, but we fight too much 

40-50   We've become complacent and could use some help

30-40   We don't like each other much anymore

20-30   We stay together for children/money/?? and live separate lives

10-20   I can't stand him/her anymore, but splitting is too expensive/hard

>10      I cancelled my life insurance in fear of him/her killing me!

 

You get the gist! Another caveat would be marriages over a certain length because most new marriages would (or at least should) fall in the 90+ range.  I would probably say marriages over 10 years. With that in mind, I think almost all marriages would fall in the under 60 ranges.  I think the above 90 is fantasy, though I would concede that there are a few marriages that could fall in that range.  I can think of a couple marriages that seem(ed) to fall in that range, but looking in from the outside can be deceiving.

Of course, the other thing to consider is that marriage is a fluid condition and always changing.  So while today, one might give an answer of 75, a few months later the answer might be 37.  I guess what I'm trying to say is it's not as simple as saying "good" marriage or "bad" marriage.  A better question might be, "If you had it to do over again, would you marry your current partner?"  But even that would need some "nudging" of things to consider because one's momentary response may not take into consideration things like...

...good parent?

...good provider/steady work?

...goals/aspirations?

...similar values?

...loyal/faithful?

...chemistry?

...participates (or not) in running the household?

********

And that's where I left off with that train of thought.  Now it's about 10 days later and I and to jot down my impressions of a 4-episode series I watched on Netflix called "Adolescence".  It's set in England and about a 13-year-old boy who kills a girl the same age.  It had some very thought provoking scenes that highlight how different society is today compared to when we were that age.  

I wasn't sure at first if I liked how this series was conducted because it was as if it was mostly a single-shot scene with each episode.  But by the time it was over, I understood the point of this way of doing it.  In the first episode, it followed the the two police detectives who were assigned to the case, starting from the point where a S.W.A.T. team executes a no-knock warrant, busts down the family's door and locates the teenage boy at 6:15 am, still in bed.  As they bust in, Dad is screaming that they have the wrong house.  Mom is fixing breakfast and is ordered to the floor on her stomach.  Upstairs, the daughter hears the commotion and opens the bathroom door and is ordered to the floor and they find the boy sitting on the bed, obviously fearful of what he's hearing.  The officer in charge reads the boy (Jamie) his rights and arrests him.  This episode launches into following the officer and events that happen at the police station on that first day.  Parents and daughter are placed in a room, Jamie is processed which includes finger printing, photos, assigning of an attorney, and because he's a child, he gets an adult representative to be included in all meetings - he chooses his dad, Eddie.

It illustrates Jamie's fear as he spends the first few hours crying and asking what this is about, reiterating over and over that he's done nothing. After he gets through some of these processes, he calms down a bit, but his fear is still evident.  It shows the meeting with his lawyer and, eventually, the first interview with the two police detectives in charge.  At the end of this first episode, after much questioning and little progress (because of the advice of his council not to reveal anything), they show Jamie, his dad and the attorney CCV footing following Jamie's movements until he meets up with this girl and the actual killing.  It closes with his Dad inconsolable, as you can imagine.

Episode two was about the information gathering process, following the two detectives as they spoke to friends of both Jamie and the victim at school.  The senior detective had a son at this school, a bit older than Jamie though he really didn't know him.  They didn't seem to be getting very far - these middle-schoolers were not very forthcoming and they seemed to loathe the police. Toward the end of this episode, the detective's son asks to speak to him alone.  When they're alone, his dad says, "I thought you didn't know Jamie?"  His son confirms that he didn't know Jamie, but he felt his dad was "spinning his wheels" and kind of making a fool of himself because he didn't seem to understand what this was really about.  He said it was about "insta" (social media, Instagram specifically I assume) and "incel" - his dad (me too!) looked confused.  "What's incel?" Son rolled his eyes and explained, it's about 80% of the girls being attracted to 20% of the boys, and how the girls taunt the majority of the boys about how they will be celibate until they die. (At this point, I paused the show and looked up "incel" and this is what the dictionary says:  a member of an online community of young men who consider themselves unable to attract women sexually, typically associated with views that are hostile toward women and men who are sexually active.

After this enlightening conversation, he joined back up with his co-detective and when asked what his son wanted, he said, "He thinks this has to do with something he called incels and the majority of girls making fun of the less attractive boys."  Her response was, "Oh, not that Andrew Tate bullshit!"  And that's pretty much where that episode ended.  So I wanted to know more about this Andrew Tate dude and, wow, did I learn a lot.  This is a lot of information, but I condensed it as best I could. (* indicates an explanation at the end...)

Andrew Tate gained notoriety for promoting various positions in the "manosphere"* community. His controversial commentary has resulted in his expulsion from various social media platforms and concern that he promotes misogynist views to his audience. A diverse influencer, Tate has amasse 9.9 million followers on Twitter as of August 2024 and was the third most Googled person in 2023, with most British adults aware of who he is. He has been dubbed the king of toxic masculinity, has called himself a misogynist, and is politically described as both right-wing and for right. As of March 2025, Tate is facing six legal investigations - four criminal and two civil - in Romania, the United Kingdom, and the United States.

In 2016 he appeared on the British reality series Big Brother, but was removed, as he was the suspect in an open rape investigation in the United Kingdom. The investigation was later dropped, but Tate was subject to an extradition request for the rape charges in 2024. After his kickboxing career, Tate and his brother Tristan began operating a webcam model business, then sold online courses. With his audience from the courses, he became prominent as an internet celebrity promoting a hyper-macho view of masculinity. Tate's courses include Hustlers University, which gained 100,000 subscribers and was later relaunched as The Real World, and the secretive group named the War Room, which the BBC has accused of coercing women into sex work and teaching violence against women. In August 2023, it was estimated that Tate's online ventures generated $5 million in revenue monthly.

Tate and his brother were arrested in Romania in December 2022 along with two women. In June 2023, all four were charged with rape, human trafficking, and forming an organized crime group to sexually exploit women. In July, two of their accusers reportedly went into hiding after a campaign of online harassment, and the Tate brothers filed a defamation lawsuit, claiming $5 million dollars in damages against one of the accusers. March 2024, British police obtained an arrest warrant for the Tate brothers as part of an investigation into rape and human trafficking. In July 2024, they began a civil case against the brothers and the third person for alleged tax evasion. In August, Romanian police raided four properties Tate owns and expanded its investigation to include trafficking minors, sex with a minor, money laundering and attempting to influence Witnesses

The Real World primarily targets male teenagers. Former Real World students have described the program as having a cult-like atmosphere. The Real Rorld has been described by a lawyer for former members as the male version of the Tate Brothers digital grooming. Members refer to each other as G with Tate being the Top G. The group is centered on Tate's 41 tenants for men. Some of Tates views include depression isn't real; women belong in the home and can't drive; women are given to the man and belong to the man as property; men prefer dating 18 and 19-year-olds because they are likely to have had sex with fewer men, in order to make an imprint on teenagers; women who do not stay home are hoes; he questions whether Nazis were really the bad guy in World War ii;

Beginning in 2022, Tates views and their influence on teenage boys and young men have become of particular concern of parents, teachers and mental health experts in much of the world, including North America, the UK, Australia and New Zealand. The New York Times has described his views as brainwashing a generation, due to his influence in British schools, and the Anti-Defamation League considers Tate's misogyny mainstream. The ADL reported that Tate teaches his acolytes that women are inferior and morally deficient beings who deserve to be physically, sexually and emotionally abused, equating his philosophy to that of pickup artists.

*The manosphere is a varied collection of websites, blogs, and online forums promoting masculinity, misogyny, and opposition to feminism. Communities within the manosphere include men's rights activists, incels (involuntary celibates), Men Going Their Own Way, Pick-Up Artists , and father's rights groups. While the specifics of each group's beliefs sometimes conflict, they are generally united in the belief that society is biased against men due to the influence of feminism, and that feminists promote misandry (hatred of men). Acceptance of these ideas is described as "taking the red pill", a metaphor borrowed from the film The Matrix.

And wow, that brought to light (for me) a whole new element of evil in this world.  But at the same time, I have to admit that I can see where it came from.  When feminism was taking hold, in the late 60's/early 70's, most of the men of my dad's generation were somewhat aghast at the idea of women working "because they wanted to."  I've seen a lot of ads from the 1950's and a lot of them are geared toward "how to make your man's life easier" or how to "please your man."  A woman's role was well defined as wife, housekeeper, mother, man pleaser.  And when women started to go to work, I think most men decided it was ok - after all, that extra money took some of the pressure off of them, and life did get a bit easier for them.  Some of their being "ok" with it was the fact that women were making FAR less than men... thus proving that a) the men were more valuable, and b) they still relied on the man financially.

But I won't get into the unfairness this shift in society created - that's a bitch-fest for another day!  😏 Where I wanted to go with this is that the whole "push" against the status quo started a chasm between men and women.  Men resisted and women, for the first time in history, collectively pushed back.  Oh, I think there were plenty of defiant women in the past who pushed against the system, but those were few and far between.  This was a movement and as it grew, men resisted which gave women reason to push harder and yes, to become hateful at times.  Just as I might rage and spew terrible things at my jailer, women said and wrote terrible things about men as a whole.  And much of it was true, but it was also due to the shift from old ways to new ways, which is always hard. I don't think MOST men sat around thinking about "how to keep women down."  It was just the life everyone lived and that big shift was like a bomb to them.  Even a PT job gave women just a little bit of power, something they had never really had before.

The extreme feminists, though they got the job done faster (perhaps), caused a lot of divisiveness among men and women.  Men, over the next couple generations, came to accept and even expect women to work, and things improved, but a lot of that mentality of "men just want a slave and sex partner" was passed to girls, even without the expression of the words.  It often came as simply the way their mom treated their dad.  And dad putting up with it for the sake of peace.  And I think we smooshed them down, kicking every bit of masculinity out of them.  We expect men to be sensitive... to understand our "feelings" and mirror them. To cry at what we deem to be appropriate times.  To listen without trying to "fix".  No one wants to admit it, but we (and I use the "we" as women in general) want them to be a girl with a penis!  Can we not admit that what we want goes against what men are wired to be?  And do we really want that?  My point is, though, that I think this attitude of wanting men feminized is what has led to these kinds of groups that push back.  They are doing exactly what we did in the feminist movement!!  

I'm not saying the hatefulness is justified.  Just as I didn't like some of the BS that came out of the women's movement, like this expectation of men being more "girly" emotionally, I abhor these characterizations of women that are coming out of this "masculine movement".  Can't we just let everyone BE who they are.  My friend may like those effeminate men who wear man-buns and cries at the drop of a hat, but I like manly-men who have chest hair, who do not wax, and I'm ok if he listens to me but doesn't understand - as long as he listens and gives me a hug if I need it.  Yes, men could often use a little "nudging" when it comes to how to pretend to be sensitive, and I think a few naturally are, but let's just accept that they are different from us.  Can we not see that it's just as frustrating for them to not understand our temperaments, our emotionality, our (sometimes) crazy moods?  Women like romance... men would rather just "get to it".  Surely we are advanced enough that we can figure out how to be accommodating and respectful of each others' needs.  No one needs to change everything about who they are to be in a relationship.  If a woman needs a girly-guy, GO GET A GIRL!  LOL.  And I would tell a man who hates women as they are to GO GET A MAN!  Maybe it's just me, but it's the differences that create the attraction!  

Anyway, I think we could all benefit from respecting and embracing our differences rather than bitching about them or trying to change them.  And I'm not talking about (learned) bad behaviors. Like boys of Mark's generation who grew up into men who learned from their dads that housework, cleaning, cooking was all "women's work" and refused to change with the times.  I'm saying we need to choose a partner by looking for what we want, not by finding someone and then trying to make them fit the mold of what we want.  

This series was certainly enlightening.  It also had a much more realistic feel of the processes that occur when there's an arrest.  We only see the "interesting" parts on TV dramas or even real crime shows.  They leave out a lot of the stuff that creates turmoil and fear.  The third episode was about a clinical psychologist who talks to Jamie to determine whether he's mature enough to understand the charges and assist in his own defense.  This is one of multiple psychologists who have talked to him and it's not clear why so many, but I would assume either they weren't getting the result they wanted (either defense or prosecution) or there was inconclusiveness about the first few.  This psychologist is seeing him for the 6th time, I believe, and the whole episode was about that meeting.  

The final episode followed a day in the family 13 months later (while still awaiting trial).  They're at home one morning, Dad's birthday.  Mom is fixing breakfast and the daughter comes in from outside asking if Dad had seen his van.  It had been tagged the night before with a word I had to look up (I can't remember it off hand) and it was a slang word used in Britain that means "sex offender" or "pedophile".  So the rest of the episode is about how Dad deals with it (or doesn't so well...) and how Mom and sister are affected by Dad's explosive behavior.  It has an incredibly sad ending with a call from the son saying he's going to give up and plead guilty, and a hard but long overdue conversation between Mom and Dad about how this happened.  One where they question their parenting and how this seemingly normal boy could have done this.  You never see stories from the point of view of the killer and their family, so it was a very compelling viewpoint...

Off to the lady-cave!